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Well, here’s an awkward moment for a confession. Here it is. I’m going to delete my Tumblr accounts and return to LiveJournal. The reason for this is simple. I’m sick of the way Tumblr posts go ignored unless they don’t contain ANY fucking text. It’s turned into Flickr, Tumblr, and Instagram. So, what’s this mean? Fuck, I’m sick of being ignored, and want people to actually get what I’m trying to convey.

So, what I’m going to do is create two other blogs. One will be for my ministry, and the other will be for my creative works. I will, by the way, NOT be posting any more S3 material here. It will all go onto YouTube or something.

Anyway, it’s way too late for me to be awake. My eyes are burning and my brain is throbbing from the fucking migraine.

From here on out, though, these LiveJournal blogs will be where the posts are going to be posted. I’m even going to post less on Facebook... because Facebook is crap.


I'm at:
Dayton, NV
I feel:
okay okay
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~"Do not kill what you cannot tame."

-Writing on a wall in Carson City

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So I'm back. There have been MASSIVE edits to this blog for the following reasons:

1. If you know me, you either know what I've been through or don't give a shit.

2. I'm tired of people asking me who the fuck I'm referring to in posts from YEARS AGO.

3. I don't want to look at it anymore. I just wanted it gone.

4. Kristi already knows the story. And she accepts me for me. Despite my past fuckups.

5. To piss off the people who loved going back and seeing their names. LOL J/K! XD

6. Because, even having all of this shit sitting around, it still didn't make people understand me any better.

7. To make some room.

8. Because I can.

9. Because it's not your blog.

10. Because you lost the game.

11. ?????


Anyway, what will be posted here is shit that I don't want to post to my other blogs (which will remain anonymous for the time being due to the fact that I KNOW people are gonna harass me for being back).
I'm at:
United States, Nevada, Dayton
I feel:
cynical cynical
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You all know me. You know that there's nothing I hate more than ignorant intolerance, especially when aimed in the wrong direction. You all ALSO know that there's nothing I love more than having a good time and singing a good song or two. Well, last night, my love of fun songs turned into something more...

... A fight.

Of course, I sometimes love making things uncomfortable by my jokes and songs. Especially when I know (or at least THINK I know) that people around me can handle it.

Anyway, I had the closing song of the night and sang "Gay Bar" by Electric Six, one of my commonly performed karaoke songs. An amazingly sarcastic song which has no overt profanity! It just contains some homosexual references and, in the second part of the first verse, very subtly hints at the intolerance of people in regards to homosexuality. This one cowboy gentleman yelled, "What kind of fucking faggot song is this?" when I started on the first few lines. He then walked back to his table where he and his two other cowboy friends started yelling things at me, even calling me a faggot and saying things like "This is Dayton. You wanna be a faggot, go to Reno." Sure, I responded on the mic. "You don't like it, you can go fuck yourself." As soon as the song ended, they kept on baiting me. Two of my friends stepped in and exchanged words with them. It then got massively out of hand! So much so that two of my OTHER friends stepped in, one being an officer, and tried calming the assholes down. Well, they became even more disrespectful and shoved the wife of the officer. Then yet ANOTHER friend defended physically. He full on TACKLED the shit-talking redneck and pinned him.

After things calmed down a little, we were all standing around (on separate sides of the bar, of course) and the redneck, unprovoked, called me a "fucking faggot" again! I said, "Stop calling me a faggot!" and the bar owner's BROTHER got in my face and told me to leave because it was MY fault that this fight happened. I told him that they started it, and he told me to "get the fuck out before I either call the cops or knock you out myself." The two initially defending friends stepped in again and exchanged words with this man who kept threatening us and backing us up to the door. When finally at the door, he raised his hand and pointed outside, effectively STRIKING my female friend in the side of the head, and said that the three of us were 86'd from the bar because of what I started.

So, when did the VICTIM of hate speech become the ANTAGONIST? Since when was the target also the cause?

Since when was hate speech a good thing? Are we in the fucking middle ages here?

Two friends have already posted to FB. I will quote them here...

Tonight, one of my friends sang a song that incited a fight, while we were at kareoke. What song, you might ask? Gay bar by electric six. A very outspoken cowboy and his two friends proceeded to yell slurs and untruths. Another friend of mine and I stood up for this friend who sang this song. Yet another friend defended us bodily from this slur screaming squash sniffer. I was hit in the face by the brother of the owner of the Dayton Inn, Joey. You Joey, are a woman beater. Then Joey 86ed the three of us, and congratulated the older man while placating the squash sniffer and comiserating with him about the old days. While it is true that a song CAN incite a riot, 86 regardless we will not be frequenting a bar that employs a man who beats women for simply standing with her friends. Join me in boycotting the Dayton Inn. Beating women since 1956.

Last night at the Dayton Inn in Dayton Nevada a fight broke out. It wasn't the usual drunken brawl, nor were the fighters fighting over the usual honor of a woman, an un-apologized brush, or even over a spilled drink. It was over the stigma of a song featuring homosexuality. Particularly the song "Gay Bar" by Electric Six. Three older men who had heard the lyrics of the song began shouting profanity and slander against the man who was singing the Karaoke hit over the loudspeaker. In response, the singer - instead of simply letting their continuous rants slide - shouted a natural defense, a profanity, which further prompted the owner to throw out the young man and the two people who verbally defended him. The third person, who's name I will not mention so that his job will remain secure, defended the singer in a more physical manner. The owner of the bar's brother, Joey defended the anti-homosexual slurs and was seen outside following the altercation shaking hands with the men after he had removed the other three people and assuring them that they were not in any way responsible saying to them; "It's too bad it's not like the good old days." I assume those days were the ones we all know as pre-Civil Rights. I know that this will not change many people's mind about spending your time at the Dayton Inn in spite of it's anti-homosexual stance. Just know that there is no excuse for gay-bashing and those who defend it. I thank you, unnamed person who physically defended another man's right to sing a song. Be aware that I will personally be boycotting the Dayton Inn until all of the people on the receiving end of the slander receive an apology from the owner - an apology I know will not be forthcoming. This is not so much about sexuality. This is not about the song. This is about the reaction of the owner who, in this writer's opinion, threw a childish screaming fit when his customers - insecure old men with a chip on their shoulder - needed a friend and could not defend their bigotry themselves.

To be thorough, however, I will copypasta what I wrote to the BBB below.


This is a bar where people go to sing karaoke on Friday nights. Last night, I sang a song which is somewhat provocative, and it incited an uproar of hate speech and slander toward me. Things that were said to me included harsh anti-homosexual slurs (such as F*GG*T, A**F***ER and other such pleasantries). I dismissed it at first, as it was from a few cowboy-looking customers of the establishment. When it continued, however, the owner of the bar's brother, a man by the name of Joey, got in my face, telling me that I shouldn't have sang that song. The situation quickly escalated and two of my friends blocked the cowboy gentlemen from physically attacking me, which they were going to do. Joey then accused ME of starting the fight (he was there the whole time) and said that I had to leave. I attempted to explain to Joey that it was them who started yelling obscenities at me, but he just yelled at me continuously. While doing so, one of the cowboy gentlemen called me another anti-homosexual slur, and I asked him to not say that anymore, and Joey yelled at me again, 86'd me and two of my friends (not the ones who defended me bodily), HIT one of the friends that was 86'd (a female) in the side of the face, and threatened to either call the police or "beat the sh*t out of [me] right then and there."

My friends and I stood outside for a bit, smoking cigarettes because we were shaking from the situation. Joey came out of the bar with the cowboy gentleman that started the whole mess and SHOOK HIS HAND and said "Don't worry. This mess isn't your fault. It's just not like the good old days."

I was afraid because the cowboys threatened to physically attack me for being a f*g. So much so that here it is, hours later, and I'm still shaking.

The place is a BAR. One would expect some sort of understanding from a bar owner's brother (or the owner himself). One would ALSO expect some sort of tolerance.

And in the settlements requested box, here's what I wrote...

The 86 lifted for me and my two friends. -names withheld here, but not withheld on the BBB complaint-

A public apology from Joey AND the owner for the situation.

$300 to cover the cost of counseling for me over the situation.

A placard to be hung in the window that says "Intolerance will not be tolerated."


So, that's it for me.

Night, everyone.

And thanks again for everyone that backed me up tonight. You guys are awesome.
I feel:
angry angry
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S3 - “Waste”

Human waste
Floating around
Sitting in random places

Not knowing where the hell they are...

Human waste
Tweakers, stoners, and ugly souls
With no meaning to life
Idle, foul bastards...

Human waste
Drinking, gambling, and smoking incessantly
With no goal or direction
Just existing minimally...

Human waste
Fucking losers all
Blank, dewy cow-eyed stares
Empty breath from their lungs...

Human waste
Natural existence is a mystery to them
That they have no interest in solving
Even though they hold all the clues...

Human waste
Dirty little meandering insects
Buzzing silently
Stinking overtly...

Human waste...
Human fucking filth...
Making humanity look bad
And not caring at all

Human waste
Waiting solely for the next high
That next hit or score
To make them continuously numb...

Human waste
Unquestioningly glaring at the world around them
Too stupid to know
That the world passed them by.


James Xavi Grief

I'm at:
WNC Carson City, NV
I feel:
apathetic apathetic
Listening to:
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I looked back... again. What the hell, I'll just come right out and say it. My rules still apply. If people are going to post here, post something relevant, please. If people are going to attack me, fine, as long as it makes sense and is RELEVANT. There will be no tolerance for useless drama.

I'm not an angry person, though. And believe me when I say that I don't mind it if people come here to read and criticize, BUT realize that if you attack or criticize me, I will return it. So, fair exchange.


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~ You see Xiany standing in a white room. He is wearing all black. As he turns to begin pacing, you hear very clearly the thumping of his boots on the floor. He speaks...

Hello, friends. It's time for me to come back. This might be where I write for S3. This WILL be where I continue to rant. Now that I am more mobile than before, and definitely have enough free time while I'm at school, AND I need to do SOMETHING, this is what I'll do!

And I'll start out by posting my new S3 video clip tonight and linking it here!

But for now, I'll leave y'all hanging on. HAHA
I'm at:
Dayton, NV
I feel:
calm calm
Listening to:
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Sup, guys. So, today's my first day of classes, and I'm nervous as hell. I mean, I know I'll do good. I'm just nervous because it's my first time back to school in about eight years!

I have all of my books, and I've read them all a little bit to get an idea of what I'm going to be learning. And let me tell you, the books for English 101, Psych 101, and Philosophy 203 cover stuff I've already studied either in high school or after high school!

Oh well. It's not even 8AM, and I'm already dressed and everything. CRAZY!

I feel:
nervous nervous
Listening to:
Jamiroquai - Travelling Without Moving
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I've done all of my shit for the financial aid. I've done all the registration stuff for my classes. I've been to the college seven times to make sure that every single thing is done right and complication free. I even sat and F5'd the hell out of the page that displays my amount owed so I could know the exact moment that my classes were paid for.

But Thursday night, I received an e-mail from my Acting 1 professor, inviting the class to a dress rehearsal for a murder mystery dinner called Eat, Drink, and Be Murdered. I sat, confused at this because the invitation was for Friday at 7pm. Fridays are my date night with my girl, so I eventually worked out that I wasn't going to go! And I was adamant on this fact, because I wanted to have a date night. Well, Kristi talked me into going, and it turned out to be quite a load of fun! And it didn't go too late, so we were able to attend Karaoke afterwards... I sang a new song. GO ME! But anywho...

After the play, I spoke with the professor, and he told me that I was the only one out of his Acting 1 class to show up to the thing. He also told me that one of the assignments in the class is to attend two plays and write a review/critique about it... and that I could use THAT as one of them. All I had to do was write the review/critique and hold onto it until he calls for that assignment.


I, at THAT moment, realized that... HOLY FUCK! I'M A FUCKING STUDENT! I mean, I knew I'd be a student, but I guess it was a delayed moment of "holy shit"ness. I thought that the "Point of No Return" moment when my finances hit my school fees was it, but when I had my first assignment hit... boom.

So, I have already written my review/critique, and have it waiting to be printed. It's strange, isn't it? How things don't actually effect you until something official happens regarding it.

Anyway, I'm out.

Later, y'all!
I feel:
shocked shocked
Listening to:
Diablo Swing Orchestra - Balrog Boogie
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So, it's one day before my Pell Grant is applied to my school fees. That's going to be enough to cover full classes and books. The loan is applied on the 18th, but none of that is touching school fees because there's nothing for it to actually cover. So that will help with living expenses. This is going to be epic. Five classes, full time, and I'm getting going on my journey through college.

My plan is to get my Associates Degree at WNC in two years, which will actually only be a year and a half because I'm taking five classes per semester, then I will transfer to UNR for my Baccalaureate, which should take another four to five years. So, I'm looking at, ostensibly, six and a half years. I don't even want to THINK about the total cost of it all. I DO know, however, that it will be all good because my ultimate goal will produce enough of an income to make good payments on my loans at the end.

There is a problem, however. It's anxiety. Many people are telling me that five classes per semester is too much, and should be reduced to four (which would extend my time at WNC to two years), but the thing is that I've looked over all of these classes and can honestly say that I'm good on five classes. It keeps me going! I study on a daily basis. And, as many of you know, I study ALOT of different subjects and topics at any given time. My brain is always in research mode, and I can't just switch it off.

I just wish people could see that I'm not actually overloading myself with this. I thought long and hard about exactly what five classes means, what curriculum I'm going to be taking, the timing of my classes, the overall financial cost of college, the mental cost of it all, the long hours of studying, and all other possible sides of this. See, I'm not just blindly rushing in here. To set it on an analogy and take it for a spin, I know my battleground. I know the enemy. I know my aresenal. I know which weapon to deploy at which time. I know how my enemy will attack. I know the direction and tactic of my enemy.

Kaylee Frye: No power in the Verse can stop me!

Jayne Cobb: Shepherd Book used to tell me, "If you can't do somethin' smart... do somethin' right."

(and a non-nerd quote for the normal people who are reading my blog)
John Wooden: Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.
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